Dead Woman Walking

The other night I met a friend for dinner after work. After a nice meal and even better conversation, she had to go to a meeting, so we ended up going our separate ways. As my previous post indicates, I no longer drive to work…I catch the bus. So, after dinner I began walking leisurely to the nearest bus stop. It was about 6:30 p.m. so the sun was going down, but there was still a lot of light and the tradewinds were keeping things mellow and comfortable (love those tradewinds!)

So, (I tell myself), “Why don’t I walk until I get tired? I’ll get some exercise and then I’ll just jump on the bus the rest of the way.” Such a bright idea.

I start strolling…I even work my way up to a saunter at one point.

The first few blocks are fine. The wind is blowing, my feet are shuffling along. I look at the stores in passing. But then the inevitable happens.

First, my feet start hurting. Darn sandal top strip is rubbing roughly against the tops of my tender feet. Once I take notice of that, I perceive that the balls of my feet are also beginning to hurt. The left side feels like it is developing a blister; and the right side feels like a blister already burst; and the bottom of my foot is rubbing unrelentingly against sandpaper (aka my sandal).

I begin to think this was not such a great idea after all. Before starting an endeavor like this, I should have better footwear. My sandals are flats (I would twist my ankle if I wore heels…yes, I am that uncoordinated), but they do not provide any support for my arches and my feet in general. The straps keep rubbing, rubbing against my poor feet.

Next, I notice that my hip starts hurting. My left hip, especially. What am I, 80? (No offense to octogenarians…you all are probably in much better physical shape than I am.) I begin to think that my body is out of alignment. Perhaps I should consult a chiropractor. I have a sneaking suspicion that one of my legs is shorter than the other. This would cause my hips to be misaligned, right? Maybe if I fix my legs and hips, I’ll be more comfortable walking longer distances. That would be cool.

By this time, I have passed several bus stops. Several busses have passed by me. Something inside me compels me to go on despite how uncomfortable I’m feeling. My brain says, “You’re actually not that far from home. Just keep going.” Stupid brain. Doesn’t listen to my body.

Then I notice that the muscles in my calves feel like they are getting unnaturally tight. Pulling, pulling and my knees are feeling achy. I begin to ponder at what point do rubber bands snap and are my calf muscles like rubber bands? Ooh, and my Achilles feels really tight, too. How can I stretch it out without looking like a total weirdo while I’m walking down the street? Or can I just suffer thorough it?

Now my shoulders are aching (I’m carrying my work bag). I think it all goes back to one leg perhaps being longer than the other. Now I am totally misaligned. The wind continues to blow, but the sun has set along with its warmth and I begin to notice how cold it has become. I begin to hunch a little to take pressure off my shoulder and ward off a bit of the wind. I am walking even slower as all my aches and pains get incrementally achier and painier.

Now, my lower back begins to hurt. I am walking (if one can still recognize my plowing forward as “walking” at this point). By now my brain says it is silly to catch the bus because home is so close. Stupid, stupid brain. People with walkers are moving faster than I am, and while I notice, I don’t care.

Finally, I reach my building, a battered mess. I kick off the wretched sandals and see the angry red strips across my feet. I collapse on my couch taking inventory of my muscles and joints. Everyone is present and accounted for although they are either sore, cramping, agitated, cold, achy or any combination thereof.

Note to self: listen to body over brain. Brain is an idiot. Body is smart. Out of shape, but smart.