Sick of Being Sick

I hate being sick.

There is nothing good about being sick, except perhaps being able to better appreciate one’s health. Other than that, nothing.

My usual cold progresses like this:

Day 1: A very sore throat. Other than that, I usually feel fine. Well, perhaps a little tired. But my throat is so sore, swallowing is difficult and the thought of talking is painful. So I sit in silence trying not to swallow, which is next to impossible (the trying not to swallow part, not the sitting in silence). Somehow you swallow more often when you are consciously trying not to swallow. Coupled with my sore throat is the sinking realization that I am going to be sick for the next week or so. All in all, Day 1 is quite depressing.

Day 2: My incredibly sore throat is gone; however, sinus congestion settles in for the long haul and I begin running a low-grade fever. Just enough to make me loopy. This is the time I do not like to get out of bed. Watching television or reading is too much of an effort. The few times I am conscious, my Brain will argue with my Body.

Brain: Get up and drink some fluid.
Body: I don’t want to.
Brain: You will get dehydrated and feel even worse.
Body: I can’t feel worse than this.
Brain: Yes you can. Get up and drink!
Body: You get up and drink. I’m staying in bed. Bed comfy . . . bed good.
Brain: You’ll regret this tomorrow.
Body: I just want to die already (goes back to sleep and is non-responsive).

Sometimes the brain wins, but not too often. Sometimes I do not even manage to take any medicine, because I can’t drag my sorry carcass out of bed to do that.

Day 3: Fever is gone (hurray!), but is replaced by body aches (boo!) Day 3 is very uncomfortable because of the body aches. No position feels comfortable for more than a few minutes. Sinus congestion is in full stop-up mode (worse than LA traffic during “rush” hour) and makes me continuously blow my nose and breathe through my mouth. Breathing through my mouth makes my throat mildly sore (but nothing like Day 1).

At least during Day 3 I am able to watch television and read, but only a little, because I am exhausted. Still, my Brain begins to win more arguments, so I drink more liquids, take medicine and eat. Speaking of eating, I noticed that while I was sick I ate more quickly than normal. I mean, I was like a steam shovel going at it. Then, I realized my chest would get really tight so I would stop eating and inhale.

Ahh…the realization hit me: I cannot eat and breathe at the same time, since I can only breathe through my mouth! And since for me “eating” includes biting, chewing and swallowing, that’s a long time to go without breathing.

So, I end up hurriedly shoving food in my mouth, chewing, then gasping for air. Shovel food, chew, gasp; shovel food, chew, gasp in a bizarre rhythm. I swear, one time I was so hungry (shovel food, chew-chew, shovel more food, chew-chew-chew, big gasp, shovel food, chew-chew, shovel more food chew-chew-chew. . . well, you get the picture) that I found myself light-headed in the middle of my meal due to lack of oxygen. I am sure that is true and not just my imagination.

Day 4: Most of my body aches are gone (yay!), but the cough arrives. The congestion in my sinus insidiously begins moving to my chest. Coughing jags cause my chest to hurt and I am grouchy because I have not been able to breathe properly in three days. I mean, it’s difficult to sleep or do anything when one cannot breathe. No position or inventive pillow construction can truly help. Many times a good nose spray will help, but you have to use it sparingly and only for a few days or else it will begin constricting the sinus passages, having the exact opposite effect of what you’re using it for.

Also, by Day 4, that’s four days of not having a good, restful sleep. I am too sick to do anything except the most sedentary of activities; and my cough is the type that makes people shift away, because you sound contagious. Also, the nose-blowing/dripping and congestion has not stopped since Day 2. This means that I feel like I have been operating underwater during all this time and the tender skin under my nose is raw. See if you’re not irritable after all that.

Day 5 and 6: Congestion is not as bad, but still definitely sticking around, so to speak. Coughing comes in jags. Usually if I do not talk, I barely cough. Once I start coughing, I will continue coughing until a lung is about to pop out. It’s more of a cough that turns into a vicious hack. I am pretty sure I do not have TB, though.

One of the worst things about this time in my cold progression is that I have an appetite, but eating chocolate and cheese and other items of creamy goodness make me feel terrible. They make my throat itch and increase my already overwhelming amount of . . . er, mucus. Not good.

Also by this time I begin getting quite restless. When I was younger, I would go out at this point and do something. When I was younger, I also relapsed more often than I do now. Hopefully this means I have matured – I am able to show more restraint, more impulse control and the ability to defer gratification . . . to some degree. Not perfect, but definitely a higher degree.

Day 7+: Getting ready to join the real world, even though I have picked up an upper repertory infection in the last couple of days. Somehow, overwhelming fatigue kicks in while I’m getting ready to go back to school or back to work, despite my desire to once again dwell in the land of the living. Coughing and blowing my nose slowly tapers off (hopefully).

Still, it may be a good idea to buy stocks in Ricola and Kleenex.

Chris Brown and Rihanna

This whole Chris Brown and Rihanna abuse incident is disturbing on several levels. Since the story broke, Oprah, Tyra and others have dedicated air time to discuss the serious issue of domestic violence. That is not what is disturbing me. From watching snipets of these shows, it seems the American public thinks that if the abuse is not physical, then it is not really abuse . . . or somehow it is not as bad.

Well, I posit that in general, the bruises, hurts and cuts we carry on the inside heal a lot slower and cause a lot more anguish than the buises, hurts and cuts we experience on the outside. I am by no means minimizing physical abuse, but rather trying to get others not to minimize abuse that is not physical.

Verbal, psychological, economic, emotional, sexual and financial abuse can be just as harmful as physical abuse. Many times an abuser will be abusive in more than one area. It is difficult to find physical abuse without verbal and emotional abuse accompanying it. Abuse is abuse and it should always be condemned, no matter what form it may take.

I think it was the Tyra Banks show that showed a clip of a teenaged couple (actors). The boyfriend called the girlfriend fat and said she was too stupid to stick to a simple diet; and in fact, he knew she was stupid when he met her. The women in the Tyra audience did not label that abuse: "What he said might have been mean, but at least he did not hit her or anything."

Aaaauuuuugggghhhh! That type of attitude makes me weep. He was breaking down her self-esteem, making her feel belittled and worthless. Less than. And he is supposed to be her boyfriend?

And people wonder why abused women do not simply leave their abuser!

Can you imagine being made to feel like you are worthless? That you are unable to accomplish anything on your own because you are too dumb and unskilled? In addition you may have (or at least felt like you have) burned all your relationship bridges, because abusers tend to isolate their partners so they must depend solely on the abuser and have no other avenue of support or escape. On top of that, you may have no money of your own. What would you do? Especially if you have children. If you leave, will you be able to take care of your kids, or will you be homeless? Will the State declare you unfit and take your kids away, or worse, give custody to the abuser? Not to mention that studies have shown the most dangerous time for a victim of abuse is after s/he leaves the relationship. That's when most of the deaths/physical harm occurs.

Another bothersome part to this story is that men (especially men in the music/rap industry) have not come out and boldly stated how that kind of behavior is unacceptable. I have heard comments like, "Well, we do not really know what went on between them" and "Even Rihanna's brother said she throws down hard." SO WHAT?

It does not matter if she was in his face or not. He had no right to beat her up. Until men start putting pressure on other men by stating (and believing and acting upon the fact that) abuse is uniquivocally unacceptable; there will be no real revolution in this area. It is not enough to not be an abuser. Men need to actively advocate for non-violence in relationships.

And if she is full of drama? Throwing things and hitting her man? Well, then she's the abuser and she is in the wrong and needs help. Or if she just loves pulling your strings, continually trying to evoke a reaction? Get out of that relationship! It's not an excuse to abuse.

Chris Brown needs help and support. He also needs to understand what he did was wrong and unacceptable and that ultimately the blame rests with him. The abusers in our community (male and female) need the same. If someone is supposed to love and support you, have your back, cherish you, then they should not systematically act in such a manner as to accomplish the exact opposite of all that. Whether it be a relationship between elder and caretaker, parent and child, husband and wife or any other combination.

Abuse is abuse, no matter in which form it may appear. And it is always wrong.

INFJ

Some friends and I were having a chat and the Myers-Briggs personality test came up. The real Myers-Briggs test is an extensive questionnaire, but there are shorter versions on the internet that you can take for free (http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes1.htm). I am not sure how accurate these tests are, but it’s fun to take them and read about one of my favorite subjects…me.

I do not think that I am alone in this. I mean, isn’t everyone interested in the inner workings of me? Yeah. Seriously though, everyone likes to read about themselves (except for famous people when they get bad press, and even in those cases, there are some from the no-press-is-bad-press school of thought, but I digress). I feel like I am pretty self-aware. I know myself well; and am committed to being honest with myself, even when it would be less painful or easier to believe a little white lie. Still, I enjoy taking these tests and seeing if I concur with the results.

The Myers-Briggs test measures you in 4 areas:
How you relate to others: (I)ntrovert vs. (E)xtrovert
How you take in information: I(N)tuitive vs. (S)ensing
How you make decisions: (T)hinking vs. (F)eeling
How you put your life in order: (J)udging vs. (P)erceiving

Taking a closer look at my score, I notice I am very close on the E/I line, which I think is accurate. It’s also accurate that I fall on the “I” side of that line, because I really do need to re-charge internally and not with a bunch of people. I get my energy from within and not from without. While my E/I score was close, I am definitely an “N.” I am way on the “N” side and very far from the “S.” My friend commented that I am the opposite of a lawyer’s profile. I guess that’s why I do not practice anymore, although there is still a small part of me that may want to practice again one day.

According to the on-line test, I register as an INFJ. Apparently, there are not too many of us INFJs around…only about 1% of the population. My immediate reaction? “A-ha! My Mom always said I was a unique and special child. This proves it!” Which was quickly followed by, “Geez, I hope that does not mean I have the propensity to be a serial killer or something awful like that.”

INFJs are labeled “Protectors” “Dreamers” “Mystics” “Healers” or “Idealists,” depending on which site you favor (http://www.geocities.com/lifexplore/infj.htm).

Of course, all the good stuff is right and all the bad stuff is rubbish! Ha! Seriously though, they mention something about desiring harmony above all, and that is something I have been working on…sacrificing a little bit of harmony to advocate or present another point of view. The cliché “a work in progress” is definitely apt!