Feminist Fantasy?

I was having dinner with a friend recently and the topic of movies came up in our conversation. He asked me if I had seen Waitress, and I enthusiastically said I had (see review, infra.) Just as I am about to launch into my thoughts about this movie, he says, "I knew you would like this movie. It's a total feminist fantasy."

Hmph! Ok, first I took exception to his tone (which I know I cannot clearly communicate here, but let me try). It was kind of a throwaway statement, with a hint of condescension and a dab of scorn tossed in there for good measure. Let's just say his tone made what could have been a critical (in the sense of analysis) or even innocuous comment into a negative one. He thinks (I use this word loosely, obviously) that feminists fantasize about not needing men. That women naturally(?) find their worth and identity through relationships (with men) and family. He feels the ultimate message of this film is that women do not need men...they can throw that all away and still be fulfilled.

Which leads me to my second point . . . that is simple fact, not fantasy. I was raised to be independent and that I should be able to provide for and take care of myself (along with being kind to others, telling the truth, washing behind my ears, etc.) I do not feel I need a man to make my life complete. At some point I may want a relationship like that, but I do not need one. I think that holds true for men and women alike.

"So," I ask trying to tamp down my belligerence so I am not yelling in the restaurant (I was also taught to be polite and circumspect), "in what do men find their worth if not through having a significant other and/or family?" To which he responds, "Work." I assume he means the prestige and wealth that comes with work. Perhaps even being the "provider" of the family...uh huh, which means that a significant other/family would be the most important thing, after all isn't provider is just a role in that unit?

Anyway, he argues that once Jenna had a daughter (not a son!), she is able to blithely walk away from her best friend and lover and make a success of her life, because she and her daughter have female power and no longer need men (a.k.a. feminist fantasy). He feels that it did not ring true because her loverwas the first person to sincerely care about her as a person, with whom she could share her innermost thoughts and fears and be completely vulnerable because he made her feel safe. It should have been more difficult for her to leave him. Bleh.

I contend Jenna planned to leave her lover once she met his wife and saw how much she loved and respected the cheating bast . . . uh, him. Furthermore, it is irrelevant whether Jenna gave birth to a girl or boy, the result would have been the same. It was more about the love of a mother for her child. Jenna having a girl just completes the circle, because she has all these precious memories of baking with her mother (and now she can create new memories baking with her daughter). And lastly, I think my friend has his own issues to deal with. Perhaps he is feeling unnecessary or easily dismissed by the woman in his life? What else would describe his outrage about "feminist fantasy?"

For some reason I do not like that phrase. Maybe feminist archetype is better? Perhaps it is just semantics, or perhaps it is because I can still hear his tone while saying, "feminist fantasy," or maybe it is just the odd and disturbing picture I get in my head of feminists sitting around fantasizing? I don't know why that picture is disturbing, it just is.